Cultivating Wisdom
“Can I fold your laundry?” my mother-in-law asks. “That would be wonderful,” I reply. It’s nice not to have to do this routine chore myself, and I realize that it gives her a purpose and helps her to feel needed. My mother-in-law has recently moved in with us and we are all finding new daily patterns.
At the same time as I’m thanking her for folding the laundry, however, I’m remembering a time when I was a young mother and was not gracious about her help. I’d entered the bedroom to find my mother-in-law folding laundry and I snapped at her that I could do it…please leave it alone! Did I take her help as a comment about my abilities as a housekeeper and mother? Maybe. I know that I felt that I needed to stake out my territory in some way. My house, my laundry.
I hear people say that they would only return to youth if they could take their current wisdom with them. Yes, this resonates with me. But as I look back at my 30-something self I say to her, and to any young women who might be reading this, relax and let your in-laws help. Somehow I can be understanding about my youthful defensiveness – I was doing my best at that time. It is impossible to have any perspective on the landscape of life if you’ve only traveled a short way down the road.
As gardeners we learn what we can grow and what we can’t. We see which plants were a mistake for our gardens and the environment. That burning bush we loved twenty years ago? Invasive. That goose-neck loosestrife? Such a thug that I won’t plant that again.
It’s good that we can look at past gardens and see that we might have planted more wisely… but even better when we can move on and plant more astutely now.
I know that I'll make new mistakes as I plant at Poison Ivy Acres, but I'm hopeful that I won't repeat old ones.
November 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 PM
I have a posting ready for tomorrow. Before that happens, I wanted to let you know that I’ve linked to your blog and included a quote from you which reflects my sentiments so eloquently: “gardening isn’t separate from other aspects of life, but is part of the whole.” If you prefer I not quote you, email me at Gardeners.Roost(at)gmail.com and I’ll change that part of the post. ~Aerie-el
November 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 PM
The flagstone and sunflowers are so pretty. Sunflowers…they’re not just for people, they’re for the birds! lol…
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:39 PM
I so agree. I only wish I could go back and be more gracious to my elders, and for that matter, to skip planting that variegated Aegopodium (Bishop’s Weed). Talk about thugs!!!
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:27 AM
Aerie-el,
I’m happy to be quoted on your Gardener’s Roost blog, thanks. I’ll be over to look around the roost soon!
You know, Genevieve, I almost mentioned Bishop’s Weed in my post because I battled it in a former garden. Aegopodium is a plant so invasive it’s been “banned in Boston” – can’t sell it in Massachusetts after 2009. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
November 26th, 2008 at 6:58 PM
HI CL Not responding to this post but wishing you and all that follow your blog a happy Thanksgiving.
John
November 27th, 2008 at 5:34 PM
Thanks, John – and a Happy Thanksgiving to all.
November 28th, 2008 at 11:03 AM
Hiya,
I am afraid that forgetfulness will overtake experience before it is worth harvesting
And yes, going back to rectify a few attitude mistakes would be nice.
I love those colourful birds. One looks like our jay, but that red head is so christmassy.