Report From An Opinionated Gardener – September 13
In his talk to the Gathering of Gardeners last weekend, Bill Hendricks told a story about a woman who grew Lespedeza thunbergi but complained to him that, “It flopped.” His response was something like, “That’s good!” because that is how this plant is supposed to grow. Lespedeza grows in a fountain-like form, and you either need to embrace this style of growth or not grow this plant.
I was thinking about Lespedeza tonight as my husband and I talked about a conversation he’d had earlier in the day. He was frustrated that the person he was talking with hadn’t responded in the way my husband had hoped would happen. “Give it up,” was my advice. “Stop going to a dry well expecting to find water.”
It wasn’t that I was advising my husband to be unhappy with that person, but given a past history I know that this person can’t respond differently any more than a Lespedeza can grow upright. There are many cases when it’s not only frustrating to fight an inherent form, but it’s futile as well.
It doesn’t matter if we’re right in our beliefs or desires. It doesn’t matter if we’re justified in our expectations or not. There comes a point when it’s more sensible, and kinder to ourselves, not to fight someone or something else’s way of being.